The Funeral Pyre is a Lesson in Thermodynamics

I have this thing. This condition. It has to do with quantum theory, relativity, and the probabilistic model of the universe, and the fact that the further I move in the state of inebriation, the more likely I am to discuss any of these topics. There is a constant likelihood of their being mentioned, even if I am stone cold sober. But if I'm drunk, and the conversation veers anywhere series, these topics will come out. You'd be surprised.

I have been thanked many times for my ability to explain these difficult concepts with relative ease. Especially relativity. I was in a philosophy discussion, and relativity came up, and I thought of a good example of how to explain it using Star Wars as an example. Well, how to explain the lack of absolute time on a macroscopic scale. My professor told me to fire away.

Before I launch into this, let me explain this professor. A PhD in philosophy and on her way to a tenure position, sharp as a Ginsu knife, utterly composed and distractingly intelligent. I was extremely intimidated by her and so did everything in my pathetic little undergraduate power to win her esteem. In the end I feel like I failed, but well, these things happen.

We began our ascent from the basement of Graham. "Well, there are three versions of the movies currently, right? The original, the 1997 VHS re-release, and the new DVDs. And there is one key event in A New Hope that has been changed. Who shot first: Greedo or Han?

"You see," I continued, now halfway up the stairs, "in the original, Han shoots first. In the 1997 VHS they made it so that Greedo shot first. In the DVDs, they tried to make it seem as if they shot at the same time. Which one is right?"

"Han shot first." The authority in her voice was overwhelming and I peed a little in fear. "There's no other way about it."

"Woah." I raised my hands to ward off any potential blows. It was a palpable moment of fear: she had one of my grades in her hands. I didn't want to argue with her for two reasons: one, Han did, in fact, shoot first and that pathetic CGI head-twitch to try to soften his character was just awful in every capacity; two, I really look more to the Jedi bits and find myself overall uninterested in the goings on of bounty hunters.

"And don't even get me started on that scream they added when Luke fell in Bespin. They took a heart-wrenchingly heroic moment and made him into a little bitch."